A New Breed of Man

Guys,

I’ve been recently going through some major life altering changes that have brought me to a very discomforting conclusion:

There are always going to be things out of our control. Because of who we are, there are even more things out of our control. It’s true that it’s important for us to feel as confident and comfortable in our own skin as possible. It is also true that, as much as we try to say others’ opinions don’t matter, we need validation. We especially need validation because we need people to recognize and use the proper pronouns, not because they feel obligated, but because they see us the way we see ourselves. 

It is also true that transmen can potentially make some of the greatest boyfriends. Some say we have the best of both worlds. We are men in most of our thoughts and actions, but we are a little more comfortable with our emotions. We are more likely to say how we feel when we feel it. At least in my case, this is true. I don’t play games. My friendships and my relationships are paramount to my being. 

Unfortunately, friendships and relationships aren’t always mutual. It can be considered one of my biggest personal flaws that I love too hard and I put in too much effort into maintaining friendships and relationships. 

One of the biggest things that I have always struggled with is surrounding myself with people who will love me as much as I love them. Again, this is out of my control. If I walked away from everyone who ever cared less than I do, I’d likely be left with no one. 

I’d like to think that I’ve done a great job in my life of avoiding the question, “why me?” I’d like to think that. However, lately, I’ve been fighting a little too hard not to wonder such a thing.

Why should it be so hard just to put one foot in front of the other?

I’m someone who really needs to know what’s next— my next meal, my next class, my next night out with friends. More than that, I need to know what’s ahead. Will I marry? Will testosterone make a difference? When? Will I be successful? 

Yeah, some may say that means I’m a bit of a control freak. That’s probably true. Yet, so much of my life has been out of my control. This goes for everyone, yes, but I can’t tell you how out of control I feel right now. That’s the hardest part.

-Ted

Guys,

Tomorrow, I leave for a family vacation in California. Knowing I don’t have to pack a single feminine thing is one of the best feelings. Plus, I changed my license to say male since my last trip, so this is the first time I won’t have any anxiety handing over my license to TSA. Yay!

-Ted

Guys,

I’ve just come to the realization that a lot of transguys are really into “The Lion King.” I mean, a ton of people love “The Lion King,” but there really are so many underlying themes here. I’ve always loved that movie and I’m slowly coming to the realization that a lot of t-guys have Simba tattoos. 

Anybody have a tattoo they’d like to share?

-Ted

Guys,

I had lunch today with a good friend who is also a Communications major. We discussed our hopeful paths, our current quarter-life crises, our pipe dreams and our surprisingly realistic (albeit possibly cynical) dreams and I realized that, while I enjoy sharing my personal thoughts and feelings on being a transguy, there are definitely more things I can share that might benefit our community.

I feel that, while we all have different paths and that no two transitions are alike, there’s only so much you can learn from me. I’m no different from you. 

One of my biggest pipe dreams would be to write and/or edit for GQ. I’m big into men’s fashion and I’d like to think I dress myself fairly well. I’m no Don Draper (yet), but I am striving to set myself apart sartorially from other transmen and cisgendered men. 

I believe that setting ourselves apart with how we dress can help us in our strides to be taken more seriously. It’s certainly worked thus far for me.

Please provide me with your input if you are at all interested in seeing me feature some clothing and grooming tips and posts!

Looking forward to your feedback.

-Ted

Guys,

One of my closest friends works for the Brandeis Counseling and Rape Crisis Hotline and made a connection for me with The Network/ La Red and I offered to feature some interesting facts from them:

“Have a few moments? The Network/La Red, Hispanic Black Gay Coalition,Violence Recovery Program at Fenway Health and Renewal House, a program ofthe Unitarian Universalist Urban Ministry have partnered on a project togain more insight on domestic violence/partner abuse within Black and/orLatin@ LGBQ/T communities and to create greater access to resources andservices for survivors from these communities.

An estimated 25-33% of LGBQ/T people experience domestic violence/partner
abuse in their lifetime. Yet, it continues to go largely under-reported.
These statistics may not even be an accurate reflection of the experiences
of survivors, particularly LGBQ/T survivors of color. Factors like racism
and other forms of oppression and discrimination, and the cultural stigmas
or taboos make it even more difficult to talk about sexuality and/or gender
identity as well as domestic violence/partner abuse.
For this reason, we want to get your thoughts on domestic violence/partner
abuse in the Black and/or Latin@ LGBQ/T communities. Please click on the
link below to fill out a short survey to help us understand. You will not be
required to provide any identifying information, and all information
provided is strictly confidential. The survey should take about 5-10 minutes
to complete.

After completing, please forward the survey to others - family members,
friends, co-workers, and anyone else within Black and/or Latin@ LGBQ/T
communities. We need as many people as possible to complete the survey so
that we can get a variety of ideas and perspectives about how to build
awareness about the prevalence of domestic violence/partner abuse in our
communities, how to prevent domestic violence/partner abuse, and how to
support survivors who have experienced domestic violence/partner abuse.
Thank you for your support.  If you have any questions or concerns with the
survey, feel free to contact Cassie Luna, TNLR’s Outreach and Education
Assistant at outreach@tnlr.org or at 617-695-0877.”

Please also feel free to reach out to me personally and I will do everything in my power to provide you with support!

-Ted

Guys,

It’s been almost two weeks since my top surgery and I think I’m finally starting to turn the corner. I’m only taking pain medication on an as needed basis now (I haven’t taken anything in about 24 hours) and I’ve replaced the medication prescribed to me with things far less strong, like Aleve and Tylenol PM. So, yes, this means that my pain is becoming really quite bearable; mostly, I just have some discomfort around the drain site areas and my chest in general is fairly sensitive to touch. 

My range of motion seems to increase inch-by-inch and day-by-day. I still have trouble reaching behind and above, but I’m definitely not feeling crippled the way I felt throughout last week. My left shoulder is stiff today— it’s likely a result of my inability to stretch as much as I’d like to, but that should fade in the next few days. 

The stitches are still dissolving and my scars are sensitive, but they seem to be healing quite nicely. As my pain continues to fade, it will get easier and easier to scrub the area down and really clean it the way I’d like to. From what I can tell so far it’s looking like my scars will be faint: I’m looking so forward to the visual when it’s all healed up. 

The sides around where my drains were are still pretty swollen, though, so I look like I have dog ears (but I don’t!) and I’m getting impatient waiting for the swelling to go all the way down. Once I’m happy with how it looks I’ll post some photos.

My next follow-up appointment with Dr. Weiss is this coming Tuesday, so I’ll be sure to update post-appointment. Hopefully he’s as optimistic as I am!

I’m off to take a French test (doesn’t it feel like I’m always taking French tests?) so wish me luck!

Adios, bros.

-Ted